I hate your face
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
