I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
