yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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