between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
