Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
