what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
