Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
