Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
