She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
