can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
