My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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