She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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