Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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