He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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