I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
