youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
