Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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