There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
