eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
