Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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