Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
