Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I pour the whiskey from now on
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
