You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
