yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
