I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
