ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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