I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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