Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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