But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
