He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He kissed a someone with a penis
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
