2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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