I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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