How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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