Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I skipped work to stalk him.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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