Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want to have your abortion
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
high people should be assigned attendants
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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