I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
