All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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