I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
