alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
