Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
