Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
