thus making me awesome and them whores
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My bed smells like the plague
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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