tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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