never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wish you could order shots online.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
