go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
