omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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