yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
