do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
