is your mom at the bar?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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