I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
