He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
