you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
