haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
