everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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