The maid of honor just puked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
